In the past 5 years, I have learned about so many tools that allow me be a better person. And so many of them are a constant influence into who I have become. One of the things I have created for myself, that so few have, is a personal mission. Considering how pivotal it is in my life, I am so shocked that so few people I know do. I say shocked, but I am not actually shocked, I didn’t know about the idea until January of 2016 when I attended the New Warrior Training Adventure (NWTA) as part of the ManKind Project (MKP).

Why would I bother creating a Personal Mission?

So much of the work I do as a Shaman, and an everyday nice-guy, comes down to listening. And the things that I hear over and over again are that people are over burdened by choices and decisions that they didn’t ask for, and unless they have the nerve to constantly stand up and hold boundaries to people who are asking for more than is due ~ they are burdened with a large amount of extra work and guilt. Do you know what I mean here? Do you have any family members or friends who have reached out to you asking for money? Did you say yes right away? Is it their last time they will need to call you like this? Does your mother just need a favor of you? Does your boss need you to work an extra day this week? Does the organization you are volunteering for desperately need you to be there more often than you originally signed up for? Like I said, over burdened. Too much being asked, and much of it is an inappropriate ask.

But here is what your Personal Mission can do for you. It is a rule book for guiding you in answering these questions.

If your Personal Mission is something in the realm of:

I create a world of connectivity by building bonds of trust within my immediate family.

Well, if your friend Big Joe is looking for a $5,000 loan to fund a guaranteed deal as long as he comes up with the money by tonight, and you know that he is going to be rude and offer you a guilt trip if you dare to say no, you can look at your mission and think.

No matter the purpose, where would I get $5,000 today? Oh, I would have to take all of the money out of my food, savings, credit card payments, and mortgage categories in my budget to do that. And I think that emptying all of our money from our months budget for Big Joe to try something that sounds totally shady, I suspect my spouse would finds that breaking down the bonds of trust, as opposed to building them. Therefore supporting Big Joe’s shady deal goes directly against your mission. Decision made. And your reasoning is clear. You go back to Big Joe, and be clear, “I appreciate that you want to include me in your endeavor, but I cannot offer you the money as it would put my family at risk of not eating.” And yes, I know that this answer doesn’t save you from Big Joe’s wrath.  But your mission is not to break all boundaries for Big Joe’s ideas.  You can deal with Big Joe’s wrath, or you can shatter the bonds of trust that you are working towards with your family.  And if Big Joe thinks that the way to convince you is to threaten or guilt trip you, he is not a friend you should be holding onto anyway.

And while my example above sounds a bit ludicrous and super clear as to how you should respond, this decision fatigue that is taxing most people come from places like their parents, spouses, siblings, children, or life-long best friends. Where it is harder to see that just giving them $50 here or there to cover a payment is both hurting your family by supporting this other person, but it is also enabling this other person to continue with the choices they are making that leads them into trouble.

Your mission statement is a tool to make sure that your actions and decisions are building you to be who you want to be. It is creating a blue-print for who you wish to become. It not only allows you to be decisive and clear with others, its most important job, is to do the same for you. It gives you the opportunity to create a plan around your decisions.

My personal mission is this: “I unlock connectivity when I claim responsibility in how I view the world.”

This talks to my believe that our entire world is better when we are connected and feel like we can work in harmony. But that connectivity is at risk when I am limited by my fears of other’s opinions or when I fall into destructive behaviors that I have been trained by society to adhere to. By acknowledging the hold of those societal beliefs, I give myself to opportunity to choose how I model my best self. For instance, Society says that it is ok to compliment a pretty lady on the street. But by complimenting her, I am feeding the societal belief that my opinion should affect her self-image and value. This is NOT a choice I would make if only I had the courage to see that I do have a choice.

A personal mission is a very powerful tool to have.