Sometimes, one thing, is everything

The Life-Giving Sword…

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Satsujinken – This is the Japanese phrase that translates to “The Life-Giving Sword.” But when you hear that, does anyone else feel like it doesn’t quite make sense? Like there is something that doesn’t quite compute.

That is because the statement foreshadows that there is something hidden, and this is only part of the truth. It took our Sensei a long time to get someone to write out the full statement for us.

The scroll I photographed above is painted by my friend Josh Ross, Sensei.

The full scroll says (Left image) The Killing Sword is (Right Image) The Life-Giving Sword. This is SO important to the way I look at the world. But I realize that even hearing: The Killing Sword is The Life-Giving sword is not always immediately clear. Let me give you the more poetic translation to allow you to grasp what the means.

The Sword that cuts down evil is the Life-Giving Sword.

This idea that we need to shed the heavier parts, or the parts we don’t like to highlight the brighter side of things is a trend I find to be incredibly destructive and it NEEDS TO STOP.

The is a trend in Neo-pagan and modern spiritual communities that highlights Love and Light as the solution to all our problems. There are many very powerful and skilled practitioners that have moved to this paradigm and I fear that because it is so enticing, it can be incredibly insideous.

My training and experience only shows me the dangers of ignore and shunning the parts that people are struggling with.

I have seen EFT sessions where people ignore the heavy or hard parts and only state the positive parts. I have seen places where someone start sharing the depth of their struggles, and the practitioner stops them to ask them to phrase it in a more positive way. I could go on for a long time with the ways I have seen this cause trouble.

When we work to actively limit the shadows, we amplify the message that it is not safe to share, and that those messages should remain hidden. No matter the intention, the mind is really good at finding reasons to hide things that are hard to deal with. And if you have amplified the message to hide something heavy, then it is harder to bring out later.

Dodging the parts we don’t like amplifies the problem, and amplifies peoples pain.

I would invite you to honestly think about what it means when people say Toxic Positivity. This is where the phrase comes from.

When you are looking at a situation and your tendency is to push away the heavy part, ask yourself why it scares you so much. Think about how incomplete the phrase “The Life-Giving Sword” is. Try to limit your hesitation in looking at the heavier part. Feel free to reach out if you need help.

Meditations

Breathing with the Trees

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One of the things that I find it hardest to do when you feel stuck, is to find a way that allows you to connect to the world around you and start letting go of the things that are holding you down. (You know, getting unstuck.)

This is an exercise/meditation I came up with that really felt like a fantastic way to approach resolution to this very problem. For those of us who have a hard time when we are out in public stepping into spirituality, this process allows you to appear as of you are simply leaning on a tree. No one has to know what else is going on.

First of all, I invite you to find a place you feel safe. A place you can walk, be in nature, and still with a tree for a while. You get to pick the tree, but I also invite you to listen, and see if you can find one that is calling to you.

As this process requires you to be focused in on you, and your direct physical surroundings, I strongly advise building a strong shield first, and if you have someone that is safe for you, invite them to come with you. (You may need to be very specific that energy from the tree and the earth are allowed through.)

Once you have found your tree, please place your feet firmly on the ground, and place one hand on the tree.

Remembering that consent is ALWAYs the way, please ask the tree for consent to draw upon its energy.

Once you have its permission, I want you to draw your attention to your breathing. When you inhale, I want you to imagine that your breath is tied to energy drawing in from the tree, through your hand, and into your chest. Let it sit there a second, and simply be with you.

When you exhale, I would like you to think of that energy in your chest, and with your breath going out, I want you to visualize that energy leaving your chest, going down your legs, and offer it to the earth below as a gift of energy.

You make breath in this way as long as you need. With each inhale, you draw energy from the tree. Hold it in your chest, and then offer it to the earth on your exhale.

Once you have this process flowing, I invite you to think of where the weight of your heaviest energy lives in your body. And when you inhale, drawing that energy from the tree, visualize that a small bit of that heavy energy comes from wherever in your body it is holding on, and meets up with the energy in your chest. If this is something that you need to feel, hold it for a couple of breaths in your chest, and give yourself permission to feel that energy. And when you feel ready, let the built up energy in your chest leave you as an offering to the earth through your feet.

I imagine that after you have done this breathing for several rounds, you will see how you are creating a cycle between the tree, yourself, and the earth. The energy you are offering up to the earth is being drawn back into the tree for you to draw in.

When you feel ready, ask the earth for consent to draw energy in from it. When you have that consent, draw energy from the earth on your inhale, and offer that energy up to the tree on your exhale. The reverse allows the energy to flow in the opposite direction. This process is simply a reverse of the original instructions, so please to remember to draw that energy into your chest, and offer it up from there.

I wish you the best of luck, this is one of my favorites.

Reader Questions

Reader Question #7: What do you mean when you say, “The Tools”?

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This is another term I use semi often that people don’t fully have context for. For this to make sense, it is really worth understanding The Work and Shadows.

The Shadows we have all come from places in our life where we didn’t feel like we were up to dealing with the situation in front of us. And for them to have been such turmoil, we clearly didn’t have the confidence or skills we needed at that time to deal with the situation properly.

I think an example is really required for me to explain this properly.

When I was 16, I moved out from my mother’s house. When it seemed like my tiny little paychecks were getting more and more important, I found that my bank account got completely cleared out. I found that all conversations about potential raises, or new positions, were adapted to make sure someone else got the thing I was asking for. When I tried to organize my money in a way that would be safe, I was taken advantage of. Time and time again, people were happy to “help” me ~ directly into them making more money off me.

I realized that I kept being taken advantage of, because I didn’t have the information I needed when I walked into a room. (Read this as the problem statement)

The only way I could think to resolve this problem was to go to the library (or later the Internet) and I looked up and read everything I could about the situation I went into. (This is “The Tool” I created for myself to resolve the problem statement.)

When I went to get my first apartment, none of the stuff that the manager said to me that would have taken advantage of me held weight because I had memorized Michigans laws around apartment rentals, and I knew that the maximum Security Deposit was 1 months Rent, and they needed to store it in an account, and I could request the banks and account information on where it was stored. I was able to shoot down every attempt she put in to get more money from me.

This Tool served me so well. There are so many situations I was in where knowing the information I needed before I went to the meeting, allowed me to speak from experience when something came up. I saved a lot of money, I solved many problems before they started.

The “Tools” I refer to, are things we put on ourselves, or do, to solve problems that come up for us. In this instance, the tool I found, was to study everything I could to not get cheated. This worked well for me (for a while). But there are other solutions. Each person will come up with their own. And now, having to take the time to learn everything I need about everything before I join a meeting is so overwhelming as to be crippling. The reverse edge of every tool, is that there becomes a point where you have grown and it no longer serves you.

The tools we have built ourselves are sometimes as hard to find as our shadows. But they are important to know about. And when you do know about them, it is important to see which ones still actually serve you.

And then I met God, again, Shadows

Safety

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I never really thought that I would see Safety as a complicated topic. I was raised AMAB in a not-so-small-anymore Northern Michigan city and I know I am a product of all of the toxic stuff that came come from that. While I had a lot of privilege in my situation, being hispanic made some things a bit more difficult. As an AMAB person, I was supposed to put forward strength at all angles. With those goggles “Safety” can actually correlate with weak. If you are acting to show emotional safety, you are not showing your strength.

The way that I was affected by being hispanic with regards to safety is that I chose to make myself less intimidating. The way I carry myself, the way I speak, the words I use. I worked very hard for a long time so that when I interacted with people, they didn’t see a threat. While this is a tool I created for myself that no longer serves me, this truly benefited my life at this time. While it didn’t stop people from following me in most stores I went to, it limited the times people asked security to be on guard, and it limited the times I was asked to leave businesses. I found a way to change that allowed me to find a bit more safety in my every day. As a side effect, that does serve me now, I learned the value of and how to start offering up: Safety.

On my Services page, the first service I offer is: “Confidential Communication (It is amazing how healing it can be to just be heard)”. And do you know why it is SO important for people to be heard? When a person is heard, they feel safer.

The human psyche is an incredibly powerful thing. When you are in the midst of a fight, you cannot spare the resources to heal. And with so much of our community being aggressive as forms of sharing their opinions and beliefs, the everyday world has become a place of fear and anxiety. Which doesn’t allow much time for healing. We rarely feel safe enough to allow ourselves to heal. For some of us, even in our own homes, we do not have space to feel safe. And when we finally find it, our psyche allows us to open up and start the healing process.

Imagine being the reason that someone else can feel safe… How good would that feel? I do not correlate safety with weak. I find that any means you can show vulnerability actually shows an incredible amount of strength. And with that strength, you can create a safe place for people, you can build connections with people, and you can become a little more whole. With all of that said, what beauty can come from you finding a way to create a safe space for people? When you can make people feel safe, and you continue to be the person you are trying to be, people will feel better in your presence. People will feel the safety you offer, and they will be open to connection. And connection is one of the most important things for me to gain. I want people to feel safe, I want to be a person that allows people to feel safe, and find connections.

What is one thing you can do in your everyday to offer even a single person Safety?

And then I met God, again, Empowering Self, Pride

How is being an Ally spiritual?

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It is Pride Month. The world is being flooded with marketing about how hip and cool the rainbow is. Be bold, show your “Pride”, wear a rainbow. And I find it to be blessing and curse as we walk forward because putting forward support for a marginalized group of people is always important, turning everything into a means of making money through marketing, is going to always end up being toxic for the people it affects.

First of all, to be clear: I am a Hispanic Straight Cisgender Male (HSCM). I have been working towards being an Ally since I learned I had friends that were part of the LGBTQIA+ community, and I started to see the privilege I had as an SCM. And how did I become a better Ally?

I actually remember a conversation with an acquaintance of mine and he asked me (rather aggressively) “What would you do if your child was gay?” I responded to him, “I would hope that they felt safe telling me.” … When my child came out to me, I realized that I needed to be BOLD in my Ally-ship. In order to combat my-own fears of them being confronted by the worst of society, I ordered myself a bunch of t-shirts, and flags. I hung our flags in the front of our house, I started frequently wearing different shirts making sure that everyone I saw knew I was safe for anyone in the community. And most importantly, I tried to make my actions evidence of the ally-ship that my shirts promised. From there, it is pretty easy. I remain open to learning, I remain open to being wrong, and being able to hear that I can be wrong. I listened to hear. I listened to grow.

And if you need to hear it:

If you have a friend/family member/coworker come out to you, make sure they know that you care. Whoever/Whatever they tell you they are, be clear that you still feel the same way about them. I think one of the largest fears is that them being who they are will break any relationships they have. (This is from what I have gathered, I don’t mean to speak for anyone in the LGBTQIA+ community.) But I also want you to know that being an ally does not mean that you can’t make mistakes. I still make a TON of mistakes. And when you do, acknowledge it, apologize, and see how you can grow. Then do the work to actually grow from it.

One of the ways that I would say that being an Ally is spiritual is because it requires you to find integrity in yourself, and hold the constant ability that there is something bigger out there that you can choose to be part of. In order to be an Ally, I cannot turn it off when I take off my rainbows. I need to be bold and visible in being an Ally in December, just like I am in June.

Being aware that we all wear masks when we are around different groups of people has the full weight of making sure that the pieces of yourself that are truly in integrity with yourself are the ones that are true no matter which masks you wear. It requires a strength and forcefulness that most people hesitate around. I am actually pretty good with conflict, but I hate it. I know that standing up is scary, AND I know that staying seated perpetuates oppression.

Another way being an Ally is spiritual is that it requires you to learn and grow all of the time. You cannot start with a belief you cling to. You must accept the awareness you currently have, and be open to it changing when new information becomes available. (It is actually the same as Science. X is truth, until we find Y, which is proven by better science.)

One more item that I feel the need to state clearly, being an Ally is spiritual because as I learn more about spirit and people, I see that we are all the same. We are all individual lives that want to be seen, heard, loved, and have some basic rights. I often say that my religion is Relationships. This is because Relationships are one thing in this world that is worth constantly growing and learning to improve. There is so much to be gained to everyone involved when we are all working towards that sacred reciprocity that comes from sharing caring-gestures with another person. To me, this says that taking of my blinders, and acknowledging that I have it easier than other people, and willing to do what I can to help people without expectation of return ~ is literally my religion. So in a way, being an Ally is part of my faith, and happens to come with epically beautiful t-shirts.

Reader Questions

Reader Question #6: What do you mean when you say, “The Work”?

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This post refers frequently to Shadow, Read the post to learn what that means.

This is another question that I get frequently. Considering I use the phrase “the work” semi frequently and I really shouldn’t assume that people have any idea what that means. It is a phrase that is both very specific while being incredibly vague. I say this because when I am speaking about it, I am often referring to something that takes real effort, and is incredibly challenging, but I cannot or will not specify the specific task.

“The work” is the work a person does when they realize a contradiction in their own behavior, a place where their identity has pushed them away from the truth of who they are, a shadow, or even when they realized that they act in a way that they do not approve of because it is a default they were taught. Once you have recognized any of these potential contradictions, and gotten past any cognitive dissonance that may come up, deciding to make the changes to self to get past or find integrity in regards to the contradiction they found.

In the post about shadows, I used an example about my cruelty. My “work” around this was to recognize that there is a gap between a trait in myself, and the way I want to be portrayed. I had to find a way to embrace my cruelty. I needed to recognize that cruelty is actually a label I apply to a trait that I judged poorly. I needed to untangle that my ability to read people was used immaturely and it became cruelty. This is actually the same trait I now use to help people find truths that they might not want to hear, or help them feel safe in their own spaces. This work was mental gymnastics with a ton of guilt, shame, and many other complex emotions before I found a balance between my cruelty and my desire to help people.

In an attempt to be concise, The work is/are the challenge(s) you must overcome to balance out something that is true about you, that you judge cannot be part of who you present to the world around you.

Reader Questions, Shadows

Reader Question #5: What do you mean when you say, “Shadow”?

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I often refer to the term Shadow when describing my work. And I have recently had several people ask me to describe what I mean. And shortly after those asks for clarification, I heard that another spiritualist I know uses the term, and uses it very differently. So I thought it was worth bringing this question forward and clarifying.

Every individual person is a combination of every experience they have ever had. When you walk down the street, you see many people walking around, interacting, and living their lives. And unless we know a person, or have clear reason to remember, they all fall into the backdrop of our day. But every one of them is a lifetime of experiences that presents as the person in front of you.

Now imagine how you would look at yourself under that light. How could you quantify the hopes, dreams, fear, anger, pride, and many decisions you wish you could undo? The downfall of being something built of so many different pieces, is that we have contradictions…

The example I use in myself is that I have a skill/trait/ability to read a person and find the one thing I could say to really hurt someone. I label this as my cruelty. While I know this is something about me, I also know that it doesn’t feel ethical to hurt people. And my taught desire to not hurt people causes me to carry my cruelty with shame. I want to hide it. When something comes up like a cruel comment, I want to hide it away so I don’t tarnish the mask I wear that identifies me as “Kind”.

As I am writing this, I think I might be able to offer a more concise definition of Shadow by saying: an aspect of yourself that you want to hide because of direct contradiction with a learned beliefs.

We all can have many Shadows, and each one further shapes who we are, and challenges who we think we should be.

Sometimes, one thing, is everything

Life before Death*

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The question of “What does this mean?” is a question that continues coming up and is re-evaluated. I feel like this is a question that talks to the heart of magic to me.

We are often taught to think about “I would die for…” as a way of identifying how valuable it is for you, and what a sacrifice you would be willing to make it happen. And with that, I am reminded of another quote. “Dying is easy[,] living is harder.”**

If it means so much for us to be willing to die for something, what does it mean if you are willing to live for something? And what does that entail?

Now, I cannot tell you what living life should be. I, in fact, despise the word “should”. But I can remind you that Nothing is Epic. Magic starts by creating tiny changes, persisting them forward, and continuing to add small changes over time. In the Peruvian linage of Paq’os teaches that we need to take care of our Grandchildren’s Grandchildren. So, for us to succeed in living, it would be to create a world where our distant ancestry could succeed. So, my advice might be how to achieve that.

First of all, I want all of you to know that you are INCREDIBLY powerful. I am sure it doesn’t feel like it. I am sure it feels like you are perpetually failing at everything you try. This is often where my mind lands too. But even taking on the hard task of looking at what is heavy for you right now, being able to think about and be honest about the situation you are in can be enough to get you started.***

  1. The biggest thing we could do is to introspect on our own behavior. What are we doing that we would NOT want our kids to repeat? What values do we have that we want to model for our kids, and how do we tweak behaviors to match those values.
  2. Think ahead. While I am don’t want to get on my soap box about how MBA’s can ruin the world, I feel like the negative side of business is really shaping us in ways that are harmful in he long term. “How do I maximize profits for this quarter?” has a way of borrowing from the future. And those of us with debts know how dangerous that can be.
    • Look at your long term goal(s)
    • Look at and be honest about the place from which you are starting.
    • Consider what is one thing you can do today that works you towards your goal(s).
    • Consider what you can do this week that work you towards your goal(s).
    • … all the way up through you get to your goal(s).
    • For me, this process really looks like, how can I use what I have today to build towards that goal, without completely sacrificing today? We need balance.
    • Check back on your goal(s) and plan often.
    • Communicate with your friends and family what your goals are and what you are doing towards achieving them.
  3. Remember the golden rule? I guarantee that you do not wish to be ostracized for something that you have no control over. I guarantee that you wish to be neither boldly nor subtly pushed aside due to who you are. If you find that you have a gut level response to a group of people, please take the time to think about why. Seeing deep evidence that a group of people are trying to hurt others, it is great to stand against that. If you find that your evidence mostly involves other people agreeing with you or someone you are around, this is NOT how you would like your treatment to be decided. Please take time to consider, and own your responses to other people, no matter who or what they are. If you decide that you are right to dislike them, own it and be clear. But I invite you to consider that most people in groups want the same as you. To be treated with a base level of respect, to do good work in the world, and to see their children succeed.

These 3 rules are actually a HUGE ask of you. I invite you to really think about it. What does living mean to you? Even with how hard it is, can you do the work to live every day?

* I would like to give credit for this quote the book series “The Storm Light Archives” by Brandon Sanderson
** This quote comes from the musical Hamilton by Lin Manual Miranda.
*** Everyone’s situations are different, you might be in a situation that is immediately dangerous. This is NOT a space to start slowly introspecting your actions. There is a BIG difference between taking responsibility for your actions, and taking on the wait of abuse as your own challenge. Please NEVER let yourself think that you are responsible for the way someone abuses you.

Sometimes, one thing, is everything

Ancestry Alters

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One of the most beautiful things about the path of a Paq’o is the philosophy of: “Whatever works.” This means that the people who learned this path were aware that there are things that function that may not be perfectly described in history or lore. This allows for a beautiful open-mindedness when it comes to change and growth. When the Spanish took over the Inca’s, they were taught about Jesus and Christianity. And some of the Paq’os tried to leverage that. We have to pray to Jesus to stay safe, I wonder if my ceremonies will work if I invoke Jesus…? And some found that for them, it really did.

When my mentor taught us about this path, he introduced us to Ancestry Alters very early on, and was clear that this is not a traditional Q’ero process or belief. He had learned it from a Voodoo Practitioner and it had served him well in his shamanic path. After my time practicing, I too teach this to all of my students. It is invaluable as both a relationship building tool, as all as a support in the times that are the most difficult for you on this path.

Why? When I was thrown into this path, I was having incredibly vivid dreams. So real as to be surreal. And when I would wake up, I felt like I hadn’t slept at all. I was extremely tired, I couldn’t protect myself spiritually, and honestly, it really amplified my feelings of going crazy… When I connected with the fact that this could have to do with my spirituality, I reached out to my mentor to ask for help. And he informed me that I needed to set up an ancestry alter. It is a space I create for my ancestor to be present in this world. And by leaving offerings to them, you start building relationships with the spirits there, and you create a place for exchange. When I say that, please don’t hear anything about a transactional relationship. It is NOT transactional. There is a term that is very important to me called, Sacred Reciprocity. This term talks to the idea of a Gift Economy. I will do this work for you. It is a gift, and I have no expectation of return. And at times, those who receive that gift feel the overwhelming need to “balance the scales”. This can come forward as a gift in kind, or offering what they can to you or someone else in need. It is about offering what you can offer, for the fact that you can, and seeing how the energy can grow from there.

He instructed me that in creating my ancestor alter, I was connecting with a group of people (that have passed on) that have a clear interest in the success in my life. By having an ancestry alter, it is a means of connecting and creating relationships with people that are vested in your success, and are likely to offer you help once they know you can accept it. These do not need to be blood relatives, these do not need to be specifically people you ever knew. But people that you can have faith would have your back. On my alter, I have family members from both sides of my blood family. I have people that are close family of good friends who took me in. I also have spirits and deities that have informed me that they would like to be present (and I agreed).

How? I think the “how” here is a bit too obscure to really go into. How do you describe a relationship or reciprocity with any form of depth that people can really understand…? I don’t know if I can really describe to you the depths of how it works. What I can say is this. I can tell you how to create yours. I can help you learn to grow your alter, but I cannot tell you how to be the best build of those relationships, nor how to understand the gifts you have received.

To build your (most-minimal-starter) Ancestor Alter, you need a few things.

  1. At least 1 photo of an ancestor you would like present. (I recommend during this learning phase, select an ancestor you met if possible)
  2. You need 4 stones to anchor it. (There are no limitations or requirements on these stones. If you have the funds and enjoy shine crystals: Buy some. If you like walking on the beach, find four stones along the water that seem to call to you. They can be pieces of gravel that people think look funny, or they can be giant shaped amethyst crystals.)
  3. You need a piece of cloth maybe 20″x20″
  4. You need some sort of chalice. (yes, I mean drinking glass, but chalice is so much more fun to say.)
  5. You need a candle.

This will help you set up your start alter. Put the stones in the 4 corners of the cloth. Put your photo up, add water to your chalice, and light your candle. That is it.

I personally feel like there is a piece that was helpful for me to be at this alter, think of my ancestor(s) and offer time to hear/listen. Even if you never hear anything, the time is valued. For me, relationships are about reciprocity. I offer my time, presence, light, and water, and accept whatever they offer. From my experience, this exchange is SO much more powerful that seems possible.

And from here, I would say that you can do no wrong. If you feel like all four of your stones need to be in the center, or your photo(s) need to hang above the alter, or you need 2 chalices because your ancestors liked orange juice as well… change it up and see how it feels. If you have some abilities to sense or hear them, they might tell you clearly what you need to change… Also, a caveat I would add is to be cautious about what you put on there and offer. For instance, if you love bacon, but your entire like are vegans, that might not be the best relationship-builder. If most of your lineage is European-Caucasian, and you have Native Americans on your alter, Alcohol might insight some negative feelings.

I welcome you questions and insights from your work below.