Category Archives: Empowering Self

And then I met God, again, Empowering Self, Pride

How is being an Ally spiritual?

Leave a comment
Send to Kindle

It is Pride Month. The world is being flooded with marketing about how hip and cool the rainbow is. Be bold, show your “Pride”, wear a rainbow. And I find it to be blessing and curse as we walk forward because putting forward support for a marginalized group of people is always important, turning everything into a means of making money through marketing, is going to always end up being toxic for the people it affects.

First of all, to be clear: I am a Hispanic Straight Cisgender Male (HSCM). I have been working towards being an Ally since I learned I had friends that were part of the LGBTQIA+ community, and I started to see the privilege I had as an SCM. And how did I become a better Ally?

I actually remember a conversation with an acquaintance of mine and he asked me (rather aggressively) “What would you do if your child was gay?” I responded to him, “I would hope that they felt safe telling me.” … When my child came out to me, I realized that I needed to be BOLD in my Ally-ship. In order to combat my-own fears of them being confronted by the worst of society, I ordered myself a bunch of t-shirts, and flags. I hung our flags in the front of our house, I started frequently wearing different shirts making sure that everyone I saw knew I was safe for anyone in the community. And most importantly, I tried to make my actions evidence of the ally-ship that my shirts promised. From there, it is pretty easy. I remain open to learning, I remain open to being wrong, and being able to hear that I can be wrong. I listened to hear. I listened to grow.

And if you need to hear it:

If you have a friend/family member/coworker come out to you, make sure they know that you care. Whoever/Whatever they tell you they are, be clear that you still feel the same way about them. I think one of the largest fears is that them being who they are will break any relationships they have. (This is from what I have gathered, I don’t mean to speak for anyone in the LGBTQIA+ community.) But I also want you to know that being an ally does not mean that you can’t make mistakes. I still make a TON of mistakes. And when you do, acknowledge it, apologize, and see how you can grow. Then do the work to actually grow from it.

One of the ways that I would say that being an Ally is spiritual is because it requires you to find integrity in yourself, and hold the constant ability that there is something bigger out there that you can choose to be part of. In order to be an Ally, I cannot turn it off when I take off my rainbows. I need to be bold and visible in being an Ally in December, just like I am in June.

Being aware that we all wear masks when we are around different groups of people has the full weight of making sure that the pieces of yourself that are truly in integrity with yourself are the ones that are true no matter which masks you wear. It requires a strength and forcefulness that most people hesitate around. I am actually pretty good with conflict, but I hate it. I know that standing up is scary, AND I know that staying seated perpetuates oppression.

Another way being an Ally is spiritual is that it requires you to learn and grow all of the time. You cannot start with a belief you cling to. You must accept the awareness you currently have, and be open to it changing when new information becomes available. (It is actually the same as Science. X is truth, until we find Y, which is proven by better science.)

One more item that I feel the need to state clearly, being an Ally is spiritual because as I learn more about spirit and people, I see that we are all the same. We are all individual lives that want to be seen, heard, loved, and have some basic rights. I often say that my religion is Relationships. This is because Relationships are one thing in this world that is worth constantly growing and learning to improve. There is so much to be gained to everyone involved when we are all working towards that sacred reciprocity that comes from sharing caring-gestures with another person. To me, this says that taking of my blinders, and acknowledging that I have it easier than other people, and willing to do what I can to help people without expectation of return ~ is literally my religion. So in a way, being an Ally is part of my faith, and happens to come with epically beautiful t-shirts.

Empowering Self, Sometimes, one thing, is everything

Thanksgiving

Leave a comment
Send to Kindle

As with many people in the United States, I was taught about Thanksgiving be a time to give thanks. A time where we came together and talk about Joy and Sharing. A tradition started by our ancestors when the pilgrims shared a meal side-by-side with the Native Americans…

We are finally starting to see the lies we were taught. We are finally starting to appreciate how even teaching this inaccuracy is part of the problem of perpetuating the repression of the true owners of this land. And we are starting to see the complexity of our position in this space.

While we are not directly responsible, we are living on land that was stolen. While we have invested all of our lives to build our lives here., How can we process that with integrity?

Many people tell me what the only way is to outright refuse to participate in this travesty of a holiday. This to me, however; felt like the way vegans yell at me about milk or honey. Or the way atheists talk about Christians. It is almost like, I don’t like it, so I will go full-force with the opposite. It felt wrong.

I reached out to a friend of mine, who is a native, to ask her take. In the tradition I study, this is a time to share with the ancestors. A time to celebrate, and I couldn’t see refusing to celebrate my learned traditions and my ancestors to be a way to recompense the natives who have been displaced. (Please note that this is intentionally made very mild compared to the truth.)

My friend told me that her family and nation do celebrate this time of year. And if I wanted to be in integrity with our native friends and family, we would still celebrate, we could make a plate for our ancestors, we would make a prayer and a wish for forward growth. If I wanted to do something beyond that, there are organizations that we could connect with by reaching out to your local reservation to offer to purchase meals for natives on the reservation that are still suffering the affects of our repression.

Each native tribe may have very different views on what is appropriate for how integrity can be reached. The point is that we ask, not assume. When we ask, allow ourselves to listen, allow ourselves to be humble, and allow ourselves to come forward with our best abilities to the request given.

I wanted to state this, do what you feel is right. But no matter which approach you take, remember that it is a time of caring, it is a time of celebration. If you wish to “repent”, please do so in a way that is helpful to those to whom you repent, and not simply something that eases your mind.

Wearing a safety pin on your lapel is only helpful if you can back it up with action when someone reaches out to you for help…

Empowering Self, Shadows, Sometimes, one thing, is everything

In Defense of Christians

Leave a comment
Send to Kindle

So many challenges lay before us. 2020 has been a year of chaos, pandemic, horrible leadership, reiterations of segregation and hate. I would jest with something like: “what’s next, locusts?” but then I realized that we have already encountered that problem.

Our world is in need, and we are all feeling the pain. Here is my recommendation: Be the change you want to see in the world. This is what all of us need. This is also what you might call, “The golden rule.” Treat others as you wish to be treated.

I know this is not easy, but we must look past ourselves to see that most people really do have good intentions in them.

Why am I posting about defending Christians? After 9/11, I was very vocal defending Muslims, and folks from the Middle East. And the reason was, there were actions of a few causing horrible consequences for the many.

Today, when I think Christians, my mind instantly goes to the figure heads, and politicians, and preachers with 12 million dollar homes. I see people who are standing up and utilizing the Christian label to get what they want, but not living with any of the faith. Right now, I find that the term Christianity is a term about finding more precise ways of delivering hate. And when I realized this was my outlook, I saw that I am part of the problem. We need unity. We need togetherness and team work. And we need to see eye-to-eye.

Almost no one in history has been willing to “come to the table” after you were just throwing stones at them. So what do we do? What do I do? I realize that these people who are turning Christianity into a rallying point for hate, are not actually following the faith of Christ. There are so many amazing and wonderful people in our communities that proudly wear the mantel of Christianity, and they do so by offering kindness and trying to see beyond themselves. These are the unspoken folks that Christ was actually much more in line with. Instead of taking the time to reiterate that the current far-right parties are aligning themselves as the only Christian party, or the only party of the church, we need to remember that we are deeply connected with so many actual Christians, who do not believe the hate, and won’t participate in it.

We must offer some grace. We must look past the anger and hate that these figure heads bring up in ourselves, as meeting hate with hate creates a battle. And with all battles, it rarely matters who is right or wrong, many people on both sides are hurt.

I invite you to look past your anger. I invite you to look past your hate. Find the folks in your neighborhood that allow you to take back the idea of love that this faith has to offer.

We, too, can choose not to hate. We must be better.

Empowering Self, Reader Questions

Role Model – How to

Leave a comment
Send to Kindle

I have to admit, writing that title it feels totally cocky. But hear me out.  This is not how to be ideal.  Even if I could figure that out, I think a novel series would be the correct format for it. This is about tiny bits of growth here or there.  Small changes matter. (See my previous post called “This simplest magics can be the most complicated”)

When I talk about being a role model, I am talking about not worrying about what others think and define the truth of what you believe (Beliefs can change, and that is ok). Once you have defined it, think about what that means, and how you can move closer to it.

Let’s say you decided that you think a good Role Model would be generous.  Well, to be generous, you must have stuff (time, energy, things, money).  If you already have stuff that people need, Great.  Who needs the things you have, and how do you offer it up? If you don’t have the stuff people need, how do you get it?

Time – What can you let go of, so you can pick up this work without damaging your life?  Do you have a hobby you can let go of? Do you have a second job you don’t need? Heck, do you have a partner that shares your vision enough so that you can quit all of your jobs to dive in?

Energy – Are you eating well enough? Is your body in a healthy enough place that you can exert your energy to help others?  What (and sometimes who) can you let go of, so that you can take up this calling?

You get the point.  To be generous, you have to be able to give.  To maintain generosity for any length of time, you have to find balance in your life so you don’t end up bleeding yourself dry.

The point here is that, you need to figure out what it is you value, if you are willing, and then how to pursue that goal. The journey might not look anything like you would imagine to get to your end goal.

An example in my life: I wanted to be a good father. What did that mean for me? It meant that I would be Present (note that the Capital there is important).  For me, being Present was much more about my ability to stare into my children’s eyes, give them high fives with their achievements, revel in our joint wins against the big boss in our game together, to play games and sports with them.  For them to be able to look back, and know that I was Present, even when I couldn’t be with them in person. 

I feel like right now (almost 13 years in) I am a very good parent.  But it was very rocky. My wife and my kids can attest to that.

I carry anger, and fear, and a victim mentality, and depression… the list could go on. I have made mistakes.  And even if my wife or children don’t remember them, I feel them. And while that weighs on me, it is the memory I need to remember my goal, every day.

Every day, I try to take the time to be present for my kids in one thing they enjoy.  When they come to me with something to share, I try to take a break from what I am doing so I can truly hear them. I try to let go of my judgements about me, and not apply those judgements to my kids. I try to be honest and verbal about my feelings, good or bad.  And I trust them.

I noted above that I feel like a very good parent.  Do you know what tipped that judgement in myself?

When my oldest felt safe enough to tell me that I hurt his feelings.
When my youngest felt safe enough to tell me that they didn’t feel like a girl.
When my wife looks at me and says, “You’re a good father.”

And most importantly, when I see a mistake I have made, and I sit down to share with my children that I have made a mistake, and that I apologize to them for it. I feel like I have grown, and I am continuing to build trust.  That is how I know, that I am working towards being a good Role Model.

What did I let go of to make time, to have the energy, things, and money for this?  I was willing to give up anything for my goal. And while it would have been relatively easy to give away my money and my things, giving my time and energy, forced me to learn who I am and how to grow into whom I wanted to be. I had to be willing to admit my fears, and my mistakes. I had to be willing to re-imagine the world behind me, so I could build the world in front of me.

How do you become a good Role Model? Decide to, and put your energy into it.

And then I met God, again, Empowering Self

More Grace

Leave a comment
Send to Kindle

I find this pandemic to be tough. There are actually many things that are positive in my life within the circumstances, so please don’t think I don’t see it. But, I do see some things that are happening in mine, and many others lives, that could be judged as a strong negative. I am sure you can stop for a moment and think of several things.

This morning, I wanted to finish a movie I had started a couple of days ago, so I decided to hop on the treadmill so I could justify to myself that it was okay to be watching a movie. Sometimes it feels like sitting to relax and watch a movie feels like a luxury that needs to be earned. And saying that “out loud” it makes me see all sorts of issues I carry around self-worth, value, and more. But even with all of that, I allowed myself to really escape into the movie (while at a fast walk/slow jog). As the movie was building to its climax, I found that I was feeling tears coming to my eyes, and that is when I realized I needed to post.

If you have read much of my blog, you will see that I frequently suggest you allow yourself to feel. And this morning I FELT why I have said this so frequently. There is a release in allowing yourself to experience all of your emotions (safely). A release that allows you to stay closer to your best self than you may have been in quite some time.

I offer two suggestions for myself today. And I invite you to consider them too.

  1. More Grace
    Some of us are living and doing okay. We are getting by with a solid display of okayness and acknowledging the bad with the good. Some of us are delighting in being allowed the solitude we frequently crave, or that time with our family we always feel too busy to experience. But there are those of us that are currently experiencing the absolute worst set back in their lives. No matter which of the three, or any complicated combination you are experiencing, I ask that you offer more Grace. Find a way to realize that the person(s) before you (hopefully 6′ away) are possibly facing the worst fear or pain they have ever encountered. Acknowledge that they might be in their worst selves at the moment. Think about how your dreams, your hope, and sometimes your kindness flee when you are faced with long term pain, or fear. Think about who you are at your worst. Then realize that the person before you is not the person they wish to be, but they are offer the best of what they have left. Offer them some grace. Realize that you are possibly in a much worse place than you allow yourself to see.

    Let me talk about me specifically. Knowing that I need to keep moving forward, and knowing that people rely on me, I (in an almost subconscious level) fall to saying, “I’m fine.” and pushing forward. But here is the truth. I am not fine. I simultaneously hold the joys and sorrows and there is no such thing as balancing them.

    I feel the joys of:
    1. spending time with my family
    2. reassembling our old home
    3. having students in my spiritual path
    4. and being able to work on exciting tasks for a job that I can do from my home.

    I feel the sorrows of:
    1. while being under quarantine, I am not able to use the tools I have built for myself to fight off depression
    2. of not feeling like I can really enjoy this time with family as my workload is now: everything I did before plus the need to be a teacher’s aid for both of my children
    3. of feeling like the responsibility of routine for the kids is on me, and even more so that I can’t hold that responsibility at all, so the entirety of our responsibilities for managing time and schedules falls on my wife.
    4. of feeling that despite my competence and effort, I still feel like I can never be enough.
    5. of knowing that life is still happening out there, that friends are experiencing new diagnoses of cancer, getting surgeries that cannot be pushed back, experiencing pain and trauma, and I am completely unable to offer assistance.

    That allows me to realize how even when I carry myself as “Fine”, I can really be falling apart on the inside.

    I ask this of you. Think about you, empathize with others, and to both: try to offer: More Grace.
  2. Give yourself the space… to feel.
    While More Grace was more important for you to hear first, this is more important for you to do. So let’s describe who I am talking about here. Me. Who else? You. I am speaking to you, specifically. If you have any sort of reaction like: “Real men don’t have emotions.” Or “I am not a wimp.” I want you to finish reading this, and then read this this a second time. Feel your fucking feelings. Feel them completely. If you have a partner, I invite you to sit down with them, look them in the eye, and ask how they are doing. And in turn, I invite you to honestly speak about where you are. Try this if you need a starter:

    – I am feeling joy because …
    – I am feeling sorrow because …
    – I am feeling anger because …
    – I am feeling fear because …

    I want you to say all 4 phrases to someone else, and fill in the … with your truth. You might be amazed in the difference things feel between you and your partner. How your connection deepens. And Connection is what we need most right now. If your partner response with: “I’m fine.” please have them read this post.

    Another thing that I want you to know, that MOST OF US will feel embarrassment for sharing our sorrows and our fear. And that is okay. This is what trust really means.

    Our second family rule is: “Feel your Fucking Feelings.” This is the second most important thing in our house (Behind: “Don’t Die”) We have worked to build enough trust that we can share with our kids our fears and sorrows, and they can share with us the same. Start here, build connection, be brave enough to trust. Connection is built on sharing true feeling.

Empowering Self, Sometimes, one thing, is everything

Why is Coronavirus a concern? And how can we take power back?

Leave a comment
Send to Kindle

I think it is important that kids understand what is going on so they have the power to ask questions and process their own fears and concerns. And when I was thinking about this, I realized that I am not sure how many adults fully get why this is scary. I often see people continuing to go out to see people because they are bored, and it made me realize that it is possible that the severity of COVID-19 has not really been made clear. So I thought I would explain this, the way I would explain it to my kids. But please keep in mind, I find this information more scary than the horror movies from my childhood.

We can use basic math to understand the growth. But let’s talk about video games. Anyone ever played Piggy on Roblox?

The premise of this game is kind of like tag. If you are “it” you tag another player and make them “it”.

There are two modes I like to play on:

Bot/Player: With this mode, it means that there is a single person who is “it”, and they tag as many players as they can.

Infection: With this mode, it means that you start with a single person who is “it”. And after that, every person tagged also becomes “it”. The original “it” remains “it” too.

When we talk about Coronavirus, it is important realize that MOST people think about the outbreak as if this is on Bot/Player mode.

I created my graphs using Minecraft heads because they are easier to work with. 😉

So imagine that you have:

Steve
Alex
Zombie

Steve and Alex represent People who are not sick. Zombie represents people that are sick. If we were playing Bot/Player, this is what it would look like. Every day, the person who is it, could tag 100 people (Each Zombie is 100 people). If we had 500 players, by Day 5, we would have everyone tagged.

But Coronavirus, is much more like infection. So, game play is much more like this visual:

Every day, we have double the amount of people that can make you “it”. From playing Infection, we know that those games get over faster, and this is why. By Day 4, our 500 players and MORE are tagged. But a day sooner? That doesn’t seem so bad. But let’s look and see if we keep this rate up for a couple more days.

If we double every day, this is called “Exponential growth” it doesn’t seem so bad, until it is bad. Then it is really, really bad.

Let’s go straight to math.
If we compare this in a math chart, Bot/Player vs Infection:

Yes, I show my kids charts. But let’s talk about how to interpret this chart. This is saying, that from left to right (also called the X-Axis) is the number of days that have passed. From bottom to top (also called the Y-Axis) it is saying the number of players that have been “it” on a given day. So if you look at day 5 on the X-Axis, and scan upward, you see that the blue line (noted as the Bot/Player mode) would have less than 1,000 people having been “it”. But if you continue looking higher, you see the Red line (notes as Infection mode) is just shy of 2,000 people who have been “it”. So it shows how these two things grow differently over time.

The numbers that can be found on Johns Hopkins COVID-19 tracker (I find this information scary, but here is the link https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/map.html)

We can see that we are playing Infection.

Looking at the actual facts, the United States cases are doubling every 2.5 days (or so).

As of 10 am on April 11th, 2020, the United States has 501,680 confirmed cases.
Our Country has roughly 330 million in it. (https://www.worldometers.info/world-population/us-population/)

So that means, that if we do nothing, our entire country will be infected by early May.

This is very scary to me. This is SO real.

But let’s break this graph down. This graph shows the number of confirmed cases over time. We have factual data showing that we are starting today with about 500,000 cases, and every 2.5 days it doubles. So you see from left to right (X-Axis), the dates are listed as 4/11, 4/13, 4/16. This is because 11 + 2.5 is 13.5. And then 13.5 + 2.5 is 16. (The 13 just doesn’t show the extra .5) From bottom to top (Y-Axis), it is showing the number of confirmed cases in increments of 100 million. So this graph shows that with our current data, if we change nothing, the number of confirmed cases will match the entire US population by May 6, 2020.

So, we need to take this VERY seriously. But there is two things that are even more scary to me.

  1. Not everyone sick looks like a Zombie. Many people who spread the Coronavirus feel no symptoms. They don’t know they are sick. So they are spreading the virus, and think they are fine.
  2. 1 in 10 people who get sick, have to be hospitalized for this sickness. As we have no treatment for it, our hospitals have to simply do everything they can to keep patients comfortable.

Why is #2 scary? It is scary because there are roughly 400,000 hospital beds in our country. I am going to show you the chart from above, but divide numbers by 10, so you can see the number of confirmed cases that will need to be hospitalized.

How to interpret this chart: from left to right (X-Axis) we have the days from today, forward. From bottom to top (Y-Axis) we have the number of hospital beds that are full of a person with a confirmed case, broken down by 50,000 increments. So the blue line shows that every 2.5 days, that number doubles. So on 4/11, you see we start at roughly 50,000 beds full. On 4/13, you see that has tipped just over 100,000.

If we could easily get people who need a hospital bed, to a hospital bed, we would run out of hospital beds by April 18th, 2020. At that point, Doctors have to start choosing who they can to save.

How can we take power back?

First of all, the professionals are literally doing everything they can to solve this, so here is what WE can do, and what we MUST do.

You have heard these suggestions before, so I want you to understand how they actually help.

We have 3 kinds of people in relation to this virus.

A) People who could get sick
B) People who are sick
C) People who are no longer sick.

And what turn people who are could get sick, into people who ARE sick? Contact.

So, if we shaped it like a Math Problem:

If “People who could get sick” time “Contact with People who are Sick” is Greater than “People who are no longer sick” than our infection goes up. So it is Contact/Recovered must be < 1. So reducing Contact with Infected people is the ONLY way to help this problem. How do we reduce contact?

  1. Wash your hands frequently. Wash your hands like you were just cutting up Hot Peppers for Salsa and you need to go put in your contacts.
  2. Don’t touch your face. This infection can be air born, but you can also pick it up from touch things (Doorknobs, shopping carts) and it can get in your body from your eyes, nose, and mouth.
  3. Stay Home. By not going near people, you cannot possibly spread the disease.

These simple steps can slow down the spread. If we can slow it enough that the time it takes to double goes from 2.5 days to even 3 days, look how much it helps our problem.

Interpreting this chart: From left to right (X-Axis) we have the days, 1 by 1, from 4/11 – 4/21. From bottom to top (Y-Axis) we have the number of confirmed cases. The blue line shows us what it looks like when the infected follow their current 2.5 days to double. The orange line shows us what it looks like if we slow that down to every 3 days.

Follow the three steps above, could save MANY LIVES. Please take the power you can take, and follow the steps.

Empowering Self, Meditations, Sometimes, one thing, is everything

Pandemic, how I stay sane

3 Comments
Send to Kindle

Considering the Stress and Anxiety that is flooding the community with the sudden changes that have happened with the pandemic, I wanted to share with you what I have been doing to stay energetically sane.

First of all: This situation is very real, and very serious. Please keep up-to-date with the suggestions of the CDC and follow them. Your state will have specific guidelines as well. For Michigan, it is: https://www.michigan.gov/coronavirus. We need to protect ourselves but know that follow basic guidelines like Social Distancing, Washing your hands frequently, and limiting when you leave home to essentials can save many-many lives.

There are four things I have been doing to help myself to stay sane.

  1. I do something that makes me feel accomplished. One thing I do that really helps is working on my home to-do list. Replace a not-so-great toilet, re-organize a kitchen that has been giving me grief, re-prioritize my list to get the highest value knowing I will be home for a while.
  2. Connect with People (safely). I am more extroverted than many of my friends and family, but even for introverts, it is essential to connect. How I do this, might not be what is good for you, but think on what is. I do family board games, and TV shows. I connect with video conference calls with friends and groups with whom I associate. This could be a group call to talk through a meeting you were planning, or simply grab a cup of coffee and spend some time past the chit-chat with a dear friend. Spend time connecting.
  3. Connect with the Earth. Whether or not you are spiritual, the process of following a grounding meditation will help you physically. I wrote up my favorite meditation for grounding, Try it: Tree (Roots) Meditation
  4. Shielding. This is the step I will write below, give it a go, and let me know if it is helpful for you.

Shielding: How to

Sit down as you do to meditate. Please remember to do this in a space where you feel safe so that you can allow your awareness of your surroundings to drop. You do not have to sit on the floor. If you are unable to sit on the floor, sit how you can be comfortable for a while. I personally feel better about sitting directly on the floor ~ Just do not let that slow you down.

Once sitting, check in with your body, and give yourself permission to let go. Know that nothing outside of this room, or this moment has to matter for a short time.

Close your eyes. Take a moment and focus on your heart. It doesn’t matter if you choose your physical heart, or energetic heart. Imagine a bubble appears in the center of you. It is so small that nothing can fit in side of it. Can you see it there?

Some things you should know about this bubble, it is absolutely impervious to anything you don’t allow through.

Once you see your bubble, hold it in mind; but switching your thinking to your breathing. When you inhale, imagine the air coming into your body is energy. Visualize this energy coming in your nose, it flows into your body and goes straight to your bubble. Give this energy permission to enter your bubble. You will notice that, as it is so small, the only way it can fit this new energy, is to grow. Visualize your bubble growing with the energy you are permitting in. As this bubble is impervious to anything you don’t allow through, it will push out anything clinging to you that is not your, and should not be there. (Your physical body is safe 😉 )

Breath in through your nose, Watch your bubble grow.
Breath out through your mouth, release any tension you find.

Visualize the outside of your bubble. What does it look like? Can you see through it? How thick/thin is it? Does it have a texture or design?

Breath in through your nose, Watch your bubble grow.
Breath out through your mouth, release any tension you find.

Now, repeat the previous two instructions. Don’t stop until you can see that your bubble is larger than you are.

What are your intentions for this bubble? What do you want to make sure it holds out? What do you want to make sure it holds in? How long do you want it to last?

Be very conscious when setting your intentions. These are boundaries you are declaring. Give yourself a specific time limit, it will fade if not tended to, so be specific.
“I want this shield to last until tomorrow morning, when I will do this again.”

Good luck to all of you out there.

Empowering Self

Personal Mission

Leave a comment
Send to Kindle

In the past 5 years, I have learned about so many tools that allow me be a better person. And so many of them are a constant influence into who I have become. One of the things I have created for myself, that so few have, is a personal mission. Considering how pivotal it is in my life, I am so shocked that so few people I know do. I say shocked, but I am not actually shocked, I didn’t know about the idea until January of 2016 when I attended the New Warrior Training Adventure (NWTA) as part of the ManKind Project (MKP).

Why would I bother creating a Personal Mission?

So much of the work I do as a Shaman, and an everyday nice-guy, comes down to listening. And the things that I hear over and over again are that people are over burdened by choices and decisions that they didn’t ask for, and unless they have the nerve to constantly stand up and hold boundaries to people who are asking for more than is due ~ they are burdened with a large amount of extra work and guilt. Do you know what I mean here? Do you have any family members or friends who have reached out to you asking for money? Did you say yes right away? Is it their last time they will need to call you like this? Does your mother just need a favor of you? Does your boss need you to work an extra day this week? Does the organization you are volunteering for desperately need you to be there more often than you originally signed up for? Like I said, over burdened. Too much being asked, and much of it is an inappropriate ask.

But here is what your Personal Mission can do for you. It is a rule book for guiding you in answering these questions.

If your Personal Mission is something in the realm of:

I create a world of connectivity by building bonds of trust within my immediate family.

Well, if your friend Big Joe is looking for a $5,000 loan to fund a guaranteed deal as long as he comes up with the money by tonight, and you know that he is going to be rude and offer you a guilt trip if you dare to say no, you can look at your mission and think.

No matter the purpose, where would I get $5,000 today? Oh, I would have to take all of the money out of my food, savings, credit card payments, and mortgage categories in my budget to do that. And I think that emptying all of our money from our months budget for Big Joe to try something that sounds totally shady, I suspect my spouse would finds that breaking down the bonds of trust, as opposed to building them. Therefore supporting Big Joe’s shady deal goes directly against your mission. Decision made. And your reasoning is clear. You go back to Big Joe, and be clear, “I appreciate that you want to include me in your endeavor, but I cannot offer you the money as it would put my family at risk of not eating.” And yes, I know that this answer doesn’t save you from Big Joe’s wrath.  But your mission is not to break all boundaries for Big Joe’s ideas.  You can deal with Big Joe’s wrath, or you can shatter the bonds of trust that you are working towards with your family.  And if Big Joe thinks that the way to convince you is to threaten or guilt trip you, he is not a friend you should be holding onto anyway.

And while my example above sounds a bit ludicrous and super clear as to how you should respond, this decision fatigue that is taxing most people come from places like their parents, spouses, siblings, children, or life-long best friends. Where it is harder to see that just giving them $50 here or there to cover a payment is both hurting your family by supporting this other person, but it is also enabling this other person to continue with the choices they are making that leads them into trouble.

Your mission statement is a tool to make sure that your actions and decisions are building you to be who you want to be. It is creating a blue-print for who you wish to become. It not only allows you to be decisive and clear with others, its most important job, is to do the same for you. It gives you the opportunity to create a plan around your decisions.

My personal mission is this: “I unlock connectivity when I claim responsibility in how I view the world.”

This talks to my believe that our entire world is better when we are connected and feel like we can work in harmony. But that connectivity is at risk when I am limited by my fears of other’s opinions or when I fall into destructive behaviors that I have been trained by society to adhere to. By acknowledging the hold of those societal beliefs, I give myself to opportunity to choose how I model my best self. For instance, Society says that it is ok to compliment a pretty lady on the street. But by complimenting her, I am feeding the societal belief that my opinion should affect her self-image and value. This is NOT a choice I would make if only I had the courage to see that I do have a choice.

A personal mission is a very powerful tool to have.