I find this pandemic to be tough. There are actually many things that are positive in my life within the circumstances, so please don’t think I don’t see it. But, I do see some things that are happening in mine, and many others lives, that could be judged as a strong negative. I am sure you can stop for a moment and think of several things.

This morning, I wanted to finish a movie I had started a couple of days ago, so I decided to hop on the treadmill so I could justify to myself that it was okay to be watching a movie. Sometimes it feels like sitting to relax and watch a movie feels like a luxury that needs to be earned. And saying that “out loud” it makes me see all sorts of issues I carry around self-worth, value, and more. But even with all of that, I allowed myself to really escape into the movie (while at a fast walk/slow jog). As the movie was building to its climax, I found that I was feeling tears coming to my eyes, and that is when I realized I needed to post.

If you have read much of my blog, you will see that I frequently suggest you allow yourself to feel. And this morning I FELT why I have said this so frequently. There is a release in allowing yourself to experience all of your emotions (safely). A release that allows you to stay closer to your best self than you may have been in quite some time.

I offer two suggestions for myself today. And I invite you to consider them too.

1. More Grace
   Some of us are living and doing okay. We are getting by with a solid display of okayness and acknowledging the bad with the good. Some of us are delighting in being allowed the solitude we frequently crave, or that time with our family we always feel too busy to experience. But there are those of us that are currently experiencing the absolute worst set back in their lives. No matter which of the three, or any complicated combination you are experiencing, I ask that you offer more Grace. Find a way to realize that the person(s) before you (hopefully 6′ away) are possibly facing the worst fear or pain they have ever encountered. Acknowledge that they might be in their worst selves at the moment. Think about how your dreams, your hope, and sometimes your kindness flee when you are faced with long term pain, or fear. Think about who you are at your worst. Then realize that the person before you is not the person they wish to be, but they are offer the best of what they have left. Offer them some grace. Realize that you are possibly in a much worse place than you allow yourself to see.
   
   Let me talk about me specifically. Knowing that I need to keep moving forward, and knowing that people rely on me, I (in an almost subconscious level) fall to saying, “I’m fine.” and pushing forward. But here is the truth. I am not fine. I simultaneously hold the joys and sorrows and there is no such thing as balancing them.
   
   I feel the joys of:
   1. spending time with my family
   2. reassembling our old home
   3. having students in my spiritual path
   4. and being able to work on exciting tasks for a job that I can do from my home.
   
   I feel the sorrows of:
   1. while being under quarantine, I am not able to use the tools I have built for myself to fight off depression
   2. of not feeling like I can really enjoy this time with family as my workload is now: everything I did before plus the need to be a teacher’s aid for both of my children
   3. of feeling like the responsibility of routine for the kids is on me, and even more so that I can’t hold that responsibility at all, so the entirety of our responsibilities for managing time and schedules falls on my wife.
   4. of feeling that despite my competence and effort, I still feel like I can never be enough.
   5. of knowing that life is still happening out there, that friends are experiencing new diagnoses of cancer, getting surgeries that cannot be pushed back, experiencing pain and trauma, and I am completely unable to offer assistance.
   
   That allows me to realize how even when I carry myself as “Fine”, I can really be falling apart on the inside.
   
   I ask this of you. Think about you, empathize with others, and to both: try to offer: More Grace.
2. Give yourself the space… to feel.
   While More Grace was more important for you to hear first, this is more important for you to do. So let’s describe who I am talking about here. Me. Who else? You. I am speaking to you, specifically. If you have any sort of reaction like: “Real men don’t have emotions.” Or “I am not a wimp.” I want you to finish reading this, and then read this this a second time. Feel your fucking feelings. Feel them completely. If you have a partner, I invite you to sit down with them, look them in the eye, and ask how they are doing. And in turn, I invite you to honestly speak about where you are. Try this if you need a starter:
   
   – I am feeling joy because …
   – I am feeling sorrow because …
   – I am feeling anger because …
   – I am feeling fear because …
   
   I want you to say all 4 phrases to someone else, and fill in the … with your truth. You might be amazed in the difference things feel between you and your partner. How your connection deepens. And Connection is what we need most right now. If your partner response with: “I’m fine.” please have them read this post.
   
   Another thing that I want you to know, that MOST OF US will feel embarrassment for sharing our sorrows and our fear. And that is okay. This is what trust really means.
   
   Our second family rule is: “Feel your Fucking Feelings.” This is the second most important thing in our house (Behind: “Don’t Die”) We have worked to build enough trust that we can share with our kids our fears and sorrows, and they can share with us the same. Start here, build connection, be brave enough to trust. Connection is built on sharing true feeling.