All posts by Digital Paqo

And then I met God, again, Empowering Self

More Grace

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I find this pandemic to be tough. There are actually many things that are positive in my life within the circumstances, so please don’t think I don’t see it. But, I do see some things that are happening in mine, and many others lives, that could be judged as a strong negative. I am sure you can stop for a moment and think of several things.

This morning, I wanted to finish a movie I had started a couple of days ago, so I decided to hop on the treadmill so I could justify to myself that it was okay to be watching a movie. Sometimes it feels like sitting to relax and watch a movie feels like a luxury that needs to be earned. And saying that “out loud” it makes me see all sorts of issues I carry around self-worth, value, and more. But even with all of that, I allowed myself to really escape into the movie (while at a fast walk/slow jog). As the movie was building to its climax, I found that I was feeling tears coming to my eyes, and that is when I realized I needed to post.

If you have read much of my blog, you will see that I frequently suggest you allow yourself to feel. And this morning I FELT why I have said this so frequently. There is a release in allowing yourself to experience all of your emotions (safely). A release that allows you to stay closer to your best self than you may have been in quite some time.

I offer two suggestions for myself today. And I invite you to consider them too.

  1. More Grace
    Some of us are living and doing okay. We are getting by with a solid display of okayness and acknowledging the bad with the good. Some of us are delighting in being allowed the solitude we frequently crave, or that time with our family we always feel too busy to experience. But there are those of us that are currently experiencing the absolute worst set back in their lives. No matter which of the three, or any complicated combination you are experiencing, I ask that you offer more Grace. Find a way to realize that the person(s) before you (hopefully 6′ away) are possibly facing the worst fear or pain they have ever encountered. Acknowledge that they might be in their worst selves at the moment. Think about how your dreams, your hope, and sometimes your kindness flee when you are faced with long term pain, or fear. Think about who you are at your worst. Then realize that the person before you is not the person they wish to be, but they are offer the best of what they have left. Offer them some grace. Realize that you are possibly in a much worse place than you allow yourself to see.

    Let me talk about me specifically. Knowing that I need to keep moving forward, and knowing that people rely on me, I (in an almost subconscious level) fall to saying, “I’m fine.” and pushing forward. But here is the truth. I am not fine. I simultaneously hold the joys and sorrows and there is no such thing as balancing them.

    I feel the joys of:
    1. spending time with my family
    2. reassembling our old home
    3. having students in my spiritual path
    4. and being able to work on exciting tasks for a job that I can do from my home.

    I feel the sorrows of:
    1. while being under quarantine, I am not able to use the tools I have built for myself to fight off depression
    2. of not feeling like I can really enjoy this time with family as my workload is now: everything I did before plus the need to be a teacher’s aid for both of my children
    3. of feeling like the responsibility of routine for the kids is on me, and even more so that I can’t hold that responsibility at all, so the entirety of our responsibilities for managing time and schedules falls on my wife.
    4. of feeling that despite my competence and effort, I still feel like I can never be enough.
    5. of knowing that life is still happening out there, that friends are experiencing new diagnoses of cancer, getting surgeries that cannot be pushed back, experiencing pain and trauma, and I am completely unable to offer assistance.

    That allows me to realize how even when I carry myself as “Fine”, I can really be falling apart on the inside.

    I ask this of you. Think about you, empathize with others, and to both: try to offer: More Grace.
  2. Give yourself the space… to feel.
    While More Grace was more important for you to hear first, this is more important for you to do. So let’s describe who I am talking about here. Me. Who else? You. I am speaking to you, specifically. If you have any sort of reaction like: “Real men don’t have emotions.” Or “I am not a wimp.” I want you to finish reading this, and then read this this a second time. Feel your fucking feelings. Feel them completely. If you have a partner, I invite you to sit down with them, look them in the eye, and ask how they are doing. And in turn, I invite you to honestly speak about where you are. Try this if you need a starter:

    – I am feeling joy because …
    – I am feeling sorrow because …
    – I am feeling anger because …
    – I am feeling fear because …

    I want you to say all 4 phrases to someone else, and fill in the … with your truth. You might be amazed in the difference things feel between you and your partner. How your connection deepens. And Connection is what we need most right now. If your partner response with: “I’m fine.” please have them read this post.

    Another thing that I want you to know, that MOST OF US will feel embarrassment for sharing our sorrows and our fear. And that is okay. This is what trust really means.

    Our second family rule is: “Feel your Fucking Feelings.” This is the second most important thing in our house (Behind: “Don’t Die”) We have worked to build enough trust that we can share with our kids our fears and sorrows, and they can share with us the same. Start here, build connection, be brave enough to trust. Connection is built on sharing true feeling.

Empowering Self, Sometimes, one thing, is everything

Why is Coronavirus a concern? And how can we take power back?

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I think it is important that kids understand what is going on so they have the power to ask questions and process their own fears and concerns. And when I was thinking about this, I realized that I am not sure how many adults fully get why this is scary. I often see people continuing to go out to see people because they are bored, and it made me realize that it is possible that the severity of COVID-19 has not really been made clear. So I thought I would explain this, the way I would explain it to my kids. But please keep in mind, I find this information more scary than the horror movies from my childhood.

We can use basic math to understand the growth. But let’s talk about video games. Anyone ever played Piggy on Roblox?

The premise of this game is kind of like tag. If you are “it” you tag another player and make them “it”.

There are two modes I like to play on:

Bot/Player: With this mode, it means that there is a single person who is “it”, and they tag as many players as they can.

Infection: With this mode, it means that you start with a single person who is “it”. And after that, every person tagged also becomes “it”. The original “it” remains “it” too.

When we talk about Coronavirus, it is important realize that MOST people think about the outbreak as if this is on Bot/Player mode.

I created my graphs using Minecraft heads because they are easier to work with. 😉

So imagine that you have:

Steve
Alex
Zombie

Steve and Alex represent People who are not sick. Zombie represents people that are sick. If we were playing Bot/Player, this is what it would look like. Every day, the person who is it, could tag 100 people (Each Zombie is 100 people). If we had 500 players, by Day 5, we would have everyone tagged.

But Coronavirus, is much more like infection. So, game play is much more like this visual:

Every day, we have double the amount of people that can make you “it”. From playing Infection, we know that those games get over faster, and this is why. By Day 4, our 500 players and MORE are tagged. But a day sooner? That doesn’t seem so bad. But let’s look and see if we keep this rate up for a couple more days.

If we double every day, this is called “Exponential growth” it doesn’t seem so bad, until it is bad. Then it is really, really bad.

Let’s go straight to math.
If we compare this in a math chart, Bot/Player vs Infection:

Yes, I show my kids charts. But let’s talk about how to interpret this chart. This is saying, that from left to right (also called the X-Axis) is the number of days that have passed. From bottom to top (also called the Y-Axis) it is saying the number of players that have been “it” on a given day. So if you look at day 5 on the X-Axis, and scan upward, you see that the blue line (noted as the Bot/Player mode) would have less than 1,000 people having been “it”. But if you continue looking higher, you see the Red line (notes as Infection mode) is just shy of 2,000 people who have been “it”. So it shows how these two things grow differently over time.

The numbers that can be found on Johns Hopkins COVID-19 tracker (I find this information scary, but here is the link https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/map.html)

We can see that we are playing Infection.

Looking at the actual facts, the United States cases are doubling every 2.5 days (or so).

As of 10 am on April 11th, 2020, the United States has 501,680 confirmed cases.
Our Country has roughly 330 million in it. (https://www.worldometers.info/world-population/us-population/)

So that means, that if we do nothing, our entire country will be infected by early May.

This is very scary to me. This is SO real.

But let’s break this graph down. This graph shows the number of confirmed cases over time. We have factual data showing that we are starting today with about 500,000 cases, and every 2.5 days it doubles. So you see from left to right (X-Axis), the dates are listed as 4/11, 4/13, 4/16. This is because 11 + 2.5 is 13.5. And then 13.5 + 2.5 is 16. (The 13 just doesn’t show the extra .5) From bottom to top (Y-Axis), it is showing the number of confirmed cases in increments of 100 million. So this graph shows that with our current data, if we change nothing, the number of confirmed cases will match the entire US population by May 6, 2020.

So, we need to take this VERY seriously. But there is two things that are even more scary to me.

  1. Not everyone sick looks like a Zombie. Many people who spread the Coronavirus feel no symptoms. They don’t know they are sick. So they are spreading the virus, and think they are fine.
  2. 1 in 10 people who get sick, have to be hospitalized for this sickness. As we have no treatment for it, our hospitals have to simply do everything they can to keep patients comfortable.

Why is #2 scary? It is scary because there are roughly 400,000 hospital beds in our country. I am going to show you the chart from above, but divide numbers by 10, so you can see the number of confirmed cases that will need to be hospitalized.

How to interpret this chart: from left to right (X-Axis) we have the days from today, forward. From bottom to top (Y-Axis) we have the number of hospital beds that are full of a person with a confirmed case, broken down by 50,000 increments. So the blue line shows that every 2.5 days, that number doubles. So on 4/11, you see we start at roughly 50,000 beds full. On 4/13, you see that has tipped just over 100,000.

If we could easily get people who need a hospital bed, to a hospital bed, we would run out of hospital beds by April 18th, 2020. At that point, Doctors have to start choosing who they can to save.

How can we take power back?

First of all, the professionals are literally doing everything they can to solve this, so here is what WE can do, and what we MUST do.

You have heard these suggestions before, so I want you to understand how they actually help.

We have 3 kinds of people in relation to this virus.

A) People who could get sick
B) People who are sick
C) People who are no longer sick.

And what turn people who are could get sick, into people who ARE sick? Contact.

So, if we shaped it like a Math Problem:

If “People who could get sick” time “Contact with People who are Sick” is Greater than “People who are no longer sick” than our infection goes up. So it is Contact/Recovered must be < 1. So reducing Contact with Infected people is the ONLY way to help this problem. How do we reduce contact?

  1. Wash your hands frequently. Wash your hands like you were just cutting up Hot Peppers for Salsa and you need to go put in your contacts.
  2. Don’t touch your face. This infection can be air born, but you can also pick it up from touch things (Doorknobs, shopping carts) and it can get in your body from your eyes, nose, and mouth.
  3. Stay Home. By not going near people, you cannot possibly spread the disease.

These simple steps can slow down the spread. If we can slow it enough that the time it takes to double goes from 2.5 days to even 3 days, look how much it helps our problem.

Interpreting this chart: From left to right (X-Axis) we have the days, 1 by 1, from 4/11 – 4/21. From bottom to top (Y-Axis) we have the number of confirmed cases. The blue line shows us what it looks like when the infected follow their current 2.5 days to double. The orange line shows us what it looks like if we slow that down to every 3 days.

Follow the three steps above, could save MANY LIVES. Please take the power you can take, and follow the steps.

Empowering Self, Meditations, Sometimes, one thing, is everything

Pandemic, how I stay sane

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Considering the Stress and Anxiety that is flooding the community with the sudden changes that have happened with the pandemic, I wanted to share with you what I have been doing to stay energetically sane.

First of all: This situation is very real, and very serious. Please keep up-to-date with the suggestions of the CDC and follow them. Your state will have specific guidelines as well. For Michigan, it is: https://www.michigan.gov/coronavirus. We need to protect ourselves but know that follow basic guidelines like Social Distancing, Washing your hands frequently, and limiting when you leave home to essentials can save many-many lives.

There are four things I have been doing to help myself to stay sane.

  1. I do something that makes me feel accomplished. One thing I do that really helps is working on my home to-do list. Replace a not-so-great toilet, re-organize a kitchen that has been giving me grief, re-prioritize my list to get the highest value knowing I will be home for a while.
  2. Connect with People (safely). I am more extroverted than many of my friends and family, but even for introverts, it is essential to connect. How I do this, might not be what is good for you, but think on what is. I do family board games, and TV shows. I connect with video conference calls with friends and groups with whom I associate. This could be a group call to talk through a meeting you were planning, or simply grab a cup of coffee and spend some time past the chit-chat with a dear friend. Spend time connecting.
  3. Connect with the Earth. Whether or not you are spiritual, the process of following a grounding meditation will help you physically. I wrote up my favorite meditation for grounding, Try it: Tree (Roots) Meditation or Breathing with the Trees
  4. Shielding

Good luck to all of you out there.

Reader Questions

Reader Question #4 – Chakana

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If we turn our telescopes South, we are able to see what is call “The Southern Cross Constellation”.

It consists of four bright stars in a cross shape that are clearest from the tops of the Andes Mountains in the heart of Peru.

Just as if they had been dotted on top of the myriads of glowing suns in the Milky Way, this image depicts some of the brightest stars of the southern sky: on the right, in a rhomboidal shape reminding that of a kite, are the four stars of the constellation Crux, the Southern cross; in the lower left part, instead, shine the two most brilliant stars of the constellation Centaurus, the Centaur.

If you are interested in reading more about them, they are:
Bottom) Acrux (Alpha Crucis)
Left) Becrux (Beta Crucis)
Top) Garux (Gamma Crucis)
Right) Decrux (Delta Crucis)

Standing atop the Apus (Maintains, but also Mountain Spirits I would equate to deities) the Q’ero would look up to see this unique and vivid constellation, and notice how the Apu’s themselves pointed and reached directly to them. These stars were special they marked the entrance to Hanaq Pacha (The upper world). Just like a treasure map that over laid the sky.

The Andean Cross, or the Chakana (Also spelled Chacana) [Cha-con-uh] is the symbol for this gateway to the upper world. But its symbolism is so much deeper, and complex.

The Chakana also symbolizes:

 

  • The Apus and lakes which are like reverse Apus. 
  • The Four cardinal direction and their Respective Meanings
    • South – Hatun Amaru – Healing of Self
    • West – Otorongo – Healing of Lineage and Ancestors
    • North – Huanacauri and Sewar Q’enti – Healing of Community
    • East – Kuntor – Love.
    • But if we hold the Chakana flat, like a compass, the Cusco (Navel/Center) represents Kay Pacha (mid-world), inferring the Ukhu Pacha (lower-world) is below the Chakana, and above the Chakana is the Hanaq Pacha.
  • The four elements: Earth, Fire, Water, Air an then Ether at the Cusco
  • The twelve festivals of the Lunar Calendar (I need to write a post about the Solar and Lunar Calendars of the Inca calendar ~ it is awesome)

And once the Spanish came to Peru, the Chakana took on another meaning, it also mapped to the crucifix, The Christian Cross. This was both a change for self-defense of their people, but also quite apt for the Chakana and the people. It talks to the weight of the energy of your soul, traveling between the worlds, and most importantly, the ability for redemption.

I think the most impressive and powerful points to the Chakana is that that one meaning does not take away from another, nor does it displace another. Each meaning is a layer of truth that is added on top of the next. They are all equally try, simultaneously.

That took me quite some time to really grasp.

Empowering Self

Personal Mission

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In the past 5 years, I have learned about so many tools that allow me be a better person. And so many of them are a constant influence into who I have become. One of the things I have created for myself, that so few have, is a personal mission. Considering how pivotal it is in my life, I am so shocked that so few people I know do. I say shocked, but I am not actually shocked, I didn’t know about the idea until January of 2016 when I attended the New Warrior Training Adventure (NWTA) as part of the ManKind Project (MKP).

Why would I bother creating a Personal Mission?

So much of the work I do as a Shaman, and an everyday nice-guy, comes down to listening. And the things that I hear over and over again are that people are over burdened by choices and decisions that they didn’t ask for, and unless they have the nerve to constantly stand up and hold boundaries to people who are asking for more than is due ~ they are burdened with a large amount of extra work and guilt. Do you know what I mean here? Do you have any family members or friends who have reached out to you asking for money? Did you say yes right away? Is it their last time they will need to call you like this? Does your mother just need a favor of you? Does your boss need you to work an extra day this week? Does the organization you are volunteering for desperately need you to be there more often than you originally signed up for? Like I said, over burdened. Too much being asked, and much of it is an inappropriate ask.

But here is what your Personal Mission can do for you. It is a rule book for guiding you in answering these questions.

If your Personal Mission is something in the realm of:

I create a world of connectivity by building bonds of trust within my immediate family.

Well, if your friend Big Joe is looking for a $5,000 loan to fund a guaranteed deal as long as he comes up with the money by tonight, and you know that he is going to be rude and offer you a guilt trip if you dare to say no, you can look at your mission and think.

No matter the purpose, where would I get $5,000 today? Oh, I would have to take all of the money out of my food, savings, credit card payments, and mortgage categories in my budget to do that. And I think that emptying all of our money from our months budget for Big Joe to try something that sounds totally shady, I suspect my spouse would finds that breaking down the bonds of trust, as opposed to building them. Therefore supporting Big Joe’s shady deal goes directly against your mission. Decision made. And your reasoning is clear. You go back to Big Joe, and be clear, “I appreciate that you want to include me in your endeavor, but I cannot offer you the money as it would put my family at risk of not eating.” And yes, I know that this answer doesn’t save you from Big Joe’s wrath.  But your mission is not to break all boundaries for Big Joe’s ideas.  You can deal with Big Joe’s wrath, or you can shatter the bonds of trust that you are working towards with your family.  And if Big Joe thinks that the way to convince you is to threaten or guilt trip you, he is not a friend you should be holding onto anyway.

And while my example above sounds a bit ludicrous and super clear as to how you should respond, this decision fatigue that is taxing most people come from places like their parents, spouses, siblings, children, or life-long best friends. Where it is harder to see that just giving them $50 here or there to cover a payment is both hurting your family by supporting this other person, but it is also enabling this other person to continue with the choices they are making that leads them into trouble.

Your mission statement is a tool to make sure that your actions and decisions are building you to be who you want to be. It is creating a blue-print for who you wish to become. It not only allows you to be decisive and clear with others, its most important job, is to do the same for you. It gives you the opportunity to create a plan around your decisions.

My personal mission is this: “I unlock connectivity when I claim responsibility in how I view the world.”

This talks to my believe that our entire world is better when we are connected and feel like we can work in harmony. But that connectivity is at risk when I am limited by my fears of other’s opinions or when I fall into destructive behaviors that I have been trained by society to adhere to. By acknowledging the hold of those societal beliefs, I give myself to opportunity to choose how I model my best self. For instance, Society says that it is ok to compliment a pretty lady on the street. But by complimenting her, I am feeding the societal belief that my opinion should affect her self-image and value. This is NOT a choice I would make if only I had the courage to see that I do have a choice.

A personal mission is a very powerful tool to have.

And then I met God, again, Lost in Translation

Growing is really hard

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Most of the work I do comes down to me growing, or helping someone else to grow.  Both of which help the community to grow. And growth comes from change. And change is often scary.

Considering how growth is hard, and change is scary, why do I keep striving for it?  The ideas around “it changes the community” really don’t go that far when I am looking down the barrel of the metaphorical shotgun called change, so why do I keep striving?

This is probably the most important information I could pass on, and it is somewhat like trying to describe the most beautiful place you have ever been, with a person who has never experienced sight. It is so tangible to me, but you might not have the same basis for comparison.  So I would like to try to share the difference between where I was last year on a vacation, and where I am now on vacation, And that change really comes from change I have been willing to make, and the growth I have experienced from it.

I would like to point out that my vacation last year was really good.  While I will describe the challenges to you, it is important that you know that it was good. But there is so much that goes on in our heads, that affects our every interaction in our everyday, that we don’t share in a way that is helpful.

I can recall clearly, that even though we budgeted to prepare enough cash to purchase what we needed on the trip, every dollar we spent, made me nervous about overspending, and wrought with anxiety.  I was afraid of spending too much, despite my pre-planning.

I can recall clearly, that I was nervous about timeliness every morning when we were planning to do something.  My family any I tend to run late. This is something I am learning to accept, but I still experience a large amount of anxiety and stress around getting ourselves ready and out the door.  And I anticipate and fear the kids battling me to get out, and how hard and stressful it will be, despite there not really being stakes to our timeline.

I can recall clearly, that when the kids hate the food they get, and want something more.  And the dread and frustration I experience when they won’t just eat the damn food they ordered.

But here are the pieces that I didn’t see until just recently.  Actually, until my son was brave enough to call me out on it.

My anxiety in those areas, drastically affect the experience of my family in those situations.  It makes them not only anxious in the moment, but it also makes them fear my reactions in those moments, and makes them experience shame around not achieving the unnamed goal I am clearly upset by. (That is actually painful for me to type) And they then change their behavior to something that hides from my reactions in those moments, but reinforces their shame and feelings of failure…

So I am telling you, that I experience valid emotions around validly frustrating experiences, and it negatively affects the experiences of those around me. In fact, my family, who are the most important to me.

By stopping in the moment, and listening to the experience of my family, and being honest about what I am experiencing…  Acknowledging that we planned for the expenses, we don’t have to stress about it every time. Acknowledging that we do NOT have to be anywhere in this moment, and there are no consequences to being late to a venue like, the park. And realizing that when I go out to eat, it can be crushing to spend $12 on a plate of food and find it detestable, allows me to finally acknowledge that my kids feel that way too. They want so badly to try something new and enjoy it, and on top of not enjoying it, they feel shame around ‘wasting my money’.

This vacation, when I experience the stress about money, I spoke up about it to my wife.  We talked about our plans, and came up with ideas for me to honor that concern/fear, while also not adding that stress to the family. When we are coming up close to a time where we need to be somewhere, I speak about plan or concern, and the family steps up to assure that we won’t be behind, but also about when I don’t there is no requirement around the time set. When the kids eat something that they don’t like, and just get quiet about it, I look at them and say, “it is ok.  We will pick them up something from a fast food restaurant on the way back to the hotel, because they were brave enough to try something new, and it didn’t work out.” I actually saw this in my daughter today, and I saw that my negative reactions in the past only made things worse, and today I could start showing her that I understand.

I was completely unaware how those anxieties and fears were affecting me in my everyday. It took my son, and my daughter to trust me enough, to tell me I needed to do better, that allowed me to earn that trust that they offered.  It is a cycle that can go either way. If you act as your worst self, you perpetuate the world around you making you your worst self.

And what I am experiencing now, is that I can perpetuate being my best self, by acting my best self. If it is simply calming my response in a noisy car, if it is slowing down and explaining something again, if it is ordering a second meal, or even if it is taking 5 minutes in a stressful time to massage my wife’s back…  The extra work has only proven that we can have an enjoyable vacation together. There was laughter in the back seat, on a long and painful drive. My daughter got to feel her feelings about the food she didn’t like, and still got to eat something. We spent time at the pool together. I feel like we can be really successful in our trip, and after and cumulative 12 hours in the car with my family, I am looking forward to the next 5 days of vacation, not feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.

I think the hardest thing about change, is really that to change, you have to accept responsibility for your actions.  But the the value in the work, is priceless.

Sometimes, one thing, is everything

Pick a cause, any cause… Or maybe, don’t

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I find that I can be completely moved by the bravery, energy, and audacity of some people on their missions to uphold and perpetuate the changes they want to see in the world. And yet, I can also be completely turned off and pushed away by others utilizing the same qualities.

I have an example here, but I want to give a standard caveat. I don’t like to generalize at all. This is about a specific instance, not about a group of people. And while I talk about an interaction with a Vegan, I am not speaking poorly of vegans, simply this person’s approach to their mission, without consideration to my missions.

When shopping at a local food store, an acquaintance of mine saw that I had milk in my cart, and they approached me to discuss how I was taking part of destroying the environment because she was the type of person that thought that the production of meat was destroying the Universe. She asked me if I didn’t care about the ozone, and all of the methane produced by cows. I told her that I can only care about so many causes. And she was aghast. How could you not care about this???

Here is the entire point of this post… You cannot care about everything, so I give you permission to tell these people in your life that you care about X, Y, and Z. And that you do your part where you can. You cannot own their mission, just because they brought it to your door step. I give you permission to say no, and hold compassion for that person.

What is your Mission? What activist beliefs do you carry? Do you want to help in politics? Do you want to help treatment of animals? Do you want to help educate youth on money? What good do you wish to do for the world? Pick one, pick two, pick as many as you truly care about. And I would like you to tack on, “And what are you going to do in order to take care of yourself, so that you can work on this item.” (I want to thank Jen Hoffman for that piece of wisdom)

If you select only one thing, and you find a way to help that in whatever small way, and you can take care of yourself to assure you feel good in the long run, you have just successfully stepped towards helping the world. And once you are here, there is no one who can guilt you into their mission because you purchased milk in front of them.

I would also like to point out that you might find that your day-to-day is more than you can do to even keep your head above water… If you are here, I would like you to take the time to acknowledge that you treading is a valuable actionable item. I would like you to still look into that second step: “And what are you going to do in order to take care of yourself, so that you can work on this item.”

Wishing you the best in this new year!

And then I met God, again

What is the Misa?

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I think it is important to note the Quechua is a very interesting language. And over time, it has adapted quite a bit to the Spanish language which is also spoken heavily in Peru.

The proper Quechua word is Misaq’epe. And a rough translation for this is: “the collection of khuyas or power objects given by the teacher or Nature Spirits to the Paq’o (Shaman/Mystic/Priest/Healer/Wiseperson).” The Misaq’epe is a physical extension of the Andean Priests power and is used in almost all ceremonies. This is also stated as Misa for short, or Mesa, which is the Spanish word for table or plain, referring to the flat surface it creates when opened for use.

The Misa is a ceremonial cloth, filled with Khuya, and other pieces relevant to the Paq’o. It can contain almost anything at the Paq’os discretion. But each item in it carries value in the Misa. It serves many purposes. And the least of which is to carry the Khuya and tools. It truly is an extension of the Paq’os power. Through the Misa, I see the Universe around me, and within that universe, I see the truths that exist around us. Even the ones that don’t seem apparent. And even if they are too subtle, or disconnected for me to see, all the truths are there.

I feel like I could look at the layout of my Misa, and the contents, for days straight and never come near finding all of the meanings that it has to tell me. And that is only trying to look for a single person. The Misa can be used for connection to the individual Khuya, or all of them, it can be used to connect to individuals, it can be used to read people/places/things, or do divinations, and it can also be used to change the universe around a person. It is a grave responsibility, and it is a remarkable power.

The Misa, and all it can do, gives me so much to be grateful for on this path. I continue to learn more about myself as it challenges me to be a better person.

Ancestors, And then I met God, again

Ayni

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Ayni (Eye-knee) is a Quechua word for Sacred Reciprocity. And to be very clear, Reciprocity is not just given and taking of things in equal value.  Sacred reciprocity is about you gifting what you can without expectation of return, and how it gives people a feeling of joy that allows them to feel generosity in their own spirit.

My work as a Paqo is done on the Gift Economy.  Which makes me endless happy for several reasons:

  1. It allows me to use my privilege to assure that those with less do not have to do without my aid.
  2. It allows people to be helped, and if they choose to give a gift in return, it can be something that means a lot to them, and allows their soul to feel that there is an equitable exchange. To elaborate, if I charged $60 an hour for my services, my work becomes transactional, and they value of it ends once the check is written. If I don’t charge, and a person decides that they would like to give me a monetary gift so they can offer me something of value in exchange… The exchange has happened, both people are happy, but there is a remaining feeling of I appreciate you, and I feel slightly indebted to you (in a positive way).  But it also allows for someone to gift me a piece of handmade art. Which has value that our capitalistic market doesn’t recognize.  Handmade art carries the Kawsay (Cow-ss-eye) or life energy of the piece.
  3. It allows people to be helped, and just accept it for the gift it is, and not feel the need to return something.
  4. It honors the wonders of Ayni: which is an essential aspect of all things for a Paqo.
  5. I have also noticed that with the Gift Economy, the transaction doesn’t end. Many of my clients become friends and we build strong relationships ~ which is also an essential aspect of all things for a Paqo.

Ayni is such an essential thing for me personally as well as my work as a Paqo.  I realized today while I was taking a walk around our neighborhood on this lovely Equinox day, that I feel indebted to my mentor, my Ayllu, and the lineage, history, and care of the Q’ero people.

I work hard to hold a balance of Ayni with both my mentor and Ayllu, but I was trying to figure out how I can aid the Q’ero. I was recently turned onto an organization, by a friend Tami, called The Heart Walk Foundation. The goal of this US Non-Profit is to aid the Q’ero people in their lives high in the Mountains.  You can donate to the Q’ero directly through their site, or, you can purchase some of the beautiful hand-woven textiles that carry both: their history, as well as the Kawsay of the people.

Through the Heart Walk Foundation, you can donate to help the lives of Alpaca’s (which are essential to the way of life), Directly to the Education of Children, Health, Food, and Security.

I have spoken directly with a member of the board of this organization, and I fully support what they are doing.

Currently, I support friends who are creating things that matter, I support Black Lives Matter, and I will now start supporting the Heart Walk Foundation in their efforts to help the Q’ero people.

I would ask two things of you:

  1. Consider the power of your money.
  2. If you wish to offer a gift to me, you may do so in submitting your support for either of these two organization.

Heart Walk Foundation
Black Lives Matter

 

 

Shadows, Sometimes, one thing, is everything

Summer of Shadows

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I have found that my own shadows are not only what hinder me in my life, but the things that drive me to be better.  By honoring the challenges I have before me, I can do many things.

  1. (hopefully) work towards getting over behaviors that don’t help me.
  2. Learn more about me, and understand how my history has built me to who I am today ~ no matter how I judge each quality.
  3. They allow me to remember that we are all facing challenges that we may not yet be aware of.
  4. The shadows that I struggle with every day, remind me to hold compassion for those around me.

These are all remarkably powerful things.  

What do I mean when I say shadow? I see a shadow as any connection to an idea, item, person, or object that causes you to act in a way or make decisions that do not allow you to be your best self, or work in your best interest.

For instance: One of the shadows I am working with right now is Money. I grew up below the poverty line in Traverse City, MI.  We are a town with a pretty solid divide between the haves’ and have nots. My entire adult life I had been trying to buy what I want, when I wanted it because when I was poor, I couldn’t buy things… So, I found that I was buying things, that I couldn’t afford, so I wouldn’t feel poor, but those same actions were causing for it to be difficult to pay my bills, as if I were poor.

A side shot of this I need to address in my work, is the clear judgement I have in my own mind about being poor.  Let me be clear, I do not feel that there is anything wrong with being poor, nor do I feel that it says anything about you as a person ~ as most people do not choose poverty.  The negative connotations I hold with being poor are because the time in my life where I was fighting so hard to just to get by, was of the worst times in my life.  I associate poor with unhappy, and unable.

So to sum that up: Because I associate being poor with being unhappy and unable, I do not wish to feel poor. Because of this, I made choices to purchase things I could not afford.  Having purchased things I could not afford, made it harder to pay my bills, which made me actually poor.

As you can see, this ‘shadow’ around money, has been causing me to make decisions that were not working in my best interest.

Many of us have issues around money, so this may be a great example, or a horrible example.  You may have a huge issue with money, and look above and be like, I have no problem with “keeping up with the Jones’”.  The thing is, this is an aspect of my Money Shadow that is easy to talk about and many people will understand.  The more you look at one of your shadows, and finding its source, and trying to grow past it, the more you will see that the shadow runs deep and has many facets.

I tell you all of this because I have been working with so many people as of late who are so burdened by the shadows they carry, that moving forward on a day to day basis is feeling impossible.  Whether you are exhausted, peopled out, too damn broke, overdone, pent up, oppressed, or whatever.  These are ALL real and true issues, do not think I am minimizing your struggles.  But we are our own worst enemies, and frequently, the way we think, feel, or experience these issues, make them a larger problem than they are.  Your feeling, thoughts, and experiences are COMPLETELY VALID.  It can still be smaller than it seems.

You are the person who can deal with your shadows.  If you would like, I can help you to see them.  Know that I can hear you. I can hear your work, and your pain.  And because I have been working so hard on my own shadows, I will not judge you or yours.

We all need help sometimes, don’t hesitate to reach out.